Mission Impossible
by Broadwaygirl21
Summary: After an encounter with his ex, Nick is feeling down. With a slight push from CeCe, Jess decides to help him in the only way she knows how: Going undercover as somebody completely different. Easy, right? Nope! One-Shot, Ness, AU


**Hiya! Uh, this is my first ever New Girl fic and I am quite excited! Eek! *squeals loudly* Ok. I'm back. :)**

**I've only seen the first two seasons of New Girl, so I know nothing about season three. Except for the fact that Nick and Jess break up. *sobs uncontrollably* **

**This is set sometime after the end of season one, except Schmidt is perfectly fine, uh, down there. Yeah, I'm not one to say bad words so don't expect it... **

**Disclaimer: *in sing songs voice* I do not own Neeeeew Giiiirl! I do, however own Bill, the manager! Yay me!**

* * *

><p>Nick Miller leaned lazily on the bar in front of him. As opposed to what most people believed, being a bartender was a very grueling job. To start, he always had to stand and this didn't make much sense to Nick. Why couldn't the bartender sit? It's not like they <em>weren't<em> getting sloppy drunk as well.

He had approached Bill, the manager, with his amazing idea that was sure to change the life of bartenders, and was met with what was expected. Bill, being an ex-cop, gave Nick a vicious stare down, in which no words were exchanged. This is why Nick never spoke to Bill. He always made him feel like a guilty suspect, when he hadn't done anything wrong! Not to Bill, at least.

What could he say? The man made him uncomfortable. Might as well add it to the list, right up there next to speaking with people in general. But he was getting off topic.

To say the least, Nick didn't get a chair. So yes, standing. Our first con.

A couple approached him from afar, and Nick's eyes trailed down to his bottle of beer. This was another thing, all the happy people in love. It just wasn't natural! This wasn't some sappy romance novel, this was real life. He looked up and felt his breath hitch in his throat. For standing in front of him was someone he had hoped to never see again.

Caroline.

To make matters worse, a tall and handsome man with dirty blonde hair and a muscular body stood next to her, his Adonis-like hand laced with hers. On Caroline's finger rested an engagement ring.

"I, uh." Nick stammered, not entirely sure what to make of the situation. Caroline gave him a smile, showing her perfectly white teeth.

"Hey Nick!" She greeted enthusiastically. "How've you been?"

_Oh. You mean besides being a lazy and lonely drunk? Just peachy!_ He thought sarcastically. "Fine." Nick answered, his mouth dry. "H-How have you been?" He was still staring at the engagement ring in absolute horror. Caroline lifted her hand pompously, granting him a closer look.

"Oh me? I'm happily engaged, two months." She answered, looking lovingly into Hercules's eyes. "Stephen and I have been dating for eight."

Nick, feeling an urge to rip out Stephens hair, forced a smile. "That's amazing." He lied through clenched teeth. God, what was wrong with him? He was over Caroline, wasn't he? It had been his choice to leave her after his little adventure in the desert.

If he was being completely honest, leaving Caroline was probably the best decision he's ever made in the span of his sad and pathetic life. In fact, he wasn't even attracted her right now! Usually, Schmidt and Winston had to pry him away from Caroline with a crowbar, and even then he managed to run back into her deceptive web of lies. There were a few cheerful months, but the ending road always lead to heartbreak. If it weren't for Jess, he would have been miserable.

Jessica Day wasn't a very complicated person. She was blunt, perky, and, to say the least, annoying. Yet, there was something strangely alluring about her. He didn't know what he was feeling, or what it meant. All he knew was, whenever he spoke to her, it felt like a trillion butterflies were flying madly in his stomach, wanting to desperately escape.

And he could get lost in her eyes. Her bright, ocean colored eyes that shone with naivety. Nick wanted to protect her from everyone and everything. He didn't want her to become like Caroline: Cruel and cold-hearted, taking an innocent man and turning him into your personal puppet.

"Nick?" Caroline's voice snapped him out of his reverie.

"Huh? Oh, right! Uh, what'll it be?" He asked, remembering his job. He was a bartender. He served beer and wine and numerous cocktails. Jess usually had a pink wine with a straw. Smiling at the thought, he looked up at Caroline expectantly.

"Oh, just a water!" She said. "Stephen and I have been sober for six months. Isn't that wonderful?" Nick shot her a dubious look.

_Wait, so you're in the neighborhood, fully intent on staying sober, and you just randomly decided to walk into a bar? Right, that makes complete sense! _

"So, two waters?" He asked. Caroline and Stephen nodded, and Nick walked over to one of his co-workers, informing him that he was leaving early. Stepping out of the crowded building, he ran a hand through his scruffy hair, breathing in the night air and beginning the walk over to his car.

Of course. Of course she had to come. With her perfect hair, and her perfect teeth, and her perfect face, and her perfect boyfriend. No, scratch that. _Fiancé._ That could've been him!

He stopped abruptly. He most certainly did _not_ want to marry Caroline. Sure, he had been slightly jealous, but the usual spark that he felt whilst talking to her was no longer there.

If he truly had been in love with her, the tingly and warm feeling he used to get around her would've made him blush and fall into her trap all over again.

He wasn't in love with Caroline. Not anymore.

* * *

><p>Jess, CeCe, and Sadie all sat cross-legged on the loft's couch. Winston was out with Shelby, probably watching another SVU marathon, and Schmidt, well, we all know what Schmidt was doing.<p>

Each girl held knitting needles and different types of yarns. It was knitting night, a rare chance for Jess to have a fun time with her friends. Tonight, they would turn back the clock to their middle school days: Having sleepovers and binging on chocolate.

"Jack is so romantic." CeCe said, sighing happily as she knit a pair of red socks for her mother. Sadie looked at her in confusion.

"Which one's Jack, again?" She asked, trying her best with a loud yellow hat.

"Oh, is he that guy who likes to try and beat his reflection in staring contests?" Jess quipped, expertly knitting a green scarf with bright pink polka-dots.

"No, that's Mark. Jack is the one who's always buying me those horrible drinks." CeCe answered and Sadie nodded, understanding.

"You know, CeCe. You should really raise your bar when it comes to men." Jess offered.

"Says the woman who lost her virginity with a depressed man in a children's park." CeCe retorted dryly.

"This is peaceful." Jess stated. "Normally, it's a madhouse in here! What with, Winston playing Wicked: The Musical songs at full volume, Schmidt mercilessly flirting with some random girl or cleaning the loft, and Nick and I arguing."

To tell the truth, Jess was slightly unnerved by the eery silence. She would never tell the guys this, but she really liked how it usually was around here. Because when they were loud, they didn't mind when she was as well.

"It's so... Quiet."

_Bang!_ The three women snapped up, startled, as Nick slammed the door to apartment 4D, and angrily walked to his room. They shared a look, before Jess put down her knitting utensils and skipped to Nick's door.

Reaching for the doorknob, she ultimately decided to knock, remembering past occurrences. A slight blush crept onto her cheek and she hoped that it had cleared by the time she entered the room.

Nick lay on his bed, sprawled out on the comforter and punching a pillow. Hearing Jess come in, he glared at her.

"What?!" He snapped.

"Hello to you too!" Jess answered, adopting one of her goofy accents.

"Jess, I'm not in the mood." Nick snarled. The brunette hopped onto the bed.

"Does someone need the feeling stick?" She asked, mockingly looking around for an imaginary person.

Nick groaned. "I thought I broke that!" He protested.

"Uh hello? Travel size!" She answered, as if it were the most obvious thing in this whole entire world.

Nick's glare intensified. "You know." Jess began. "You're glare is way more appealing than your turtle face." She kicked off her shoes and crossed her legs playfully. "Now, are you going to tell Miss. Day what your problem is?"

Nick rolled his eyes. "I'm not one of your students."

"Nick, please!" She beseeched, her eyes silently begging him. "Fine." He answered, giving in. "It's Caroline." Jess's blue orbs widened.

"Y-You're not thinking about getting back together with her, are you?" She asked.

"No, I-" Nick began.

"Because that would be a stupid, stupid, _stupid,_ thing to do!" She cut him off.

"Jess, I kno-" He tried.

"And she's not even that pretty anyways!" Jess added.

"Do you ever let anyone else talk?!" Nick yelled, making her look down sheepishly. "Sorry, sorry. But can I say one more thing?" Nick sighed, but nodded.

"Why are you in love with her anyways?" Nick pondered that thought for a minute. Caroline wasn't that different now, than when they met in college. So how did they, or rather he, fall in love?

* * *

><p><em>Nick walked confidently through the corridors. He was in L.A, the City Of Love. Or was that Paris? It didn't matter, because he was here.<em>

_Winston had stayed in Chicago, but he promised that when they had finished school, Winston was coming back and they would have the time of their lives._

_Turning the corner, he opened the door to his dorm and stepped inside. His roommate sat there, smiling at him. He was chubby and had dark black hair._

_"Hey, I'm Schmidt." He said._

_"I'm Nick."_

* * *

><p><em>That night, he walked back inside the building, tired from all the festivities. The welcome party was fun, but not really his thing.<em>

_Nick saw a blonde girl crouched down in front of, what was supposedly, her dorm room. Nick's pace sped up. "What are you doing all alone?" He asked, hoping that he didn't sound creepy. _

_The girl looked up. "I got locked out." She admitted. "My roommate is back at the party and she has both of our keys."_

_"You shouldn't have to stay here all alone. Why don't we head back to my dorm?" Nick offered. They exchanged introductions and stayed up all nigh just talking, and laughing and-_

"Nick!" Jess shook his shoulders briskly and his eyes snapped open.

"Huh?" He asked, seeing Jess, he remembered their conversation. "Why we fell in love? Well, I don't truly know. We have a complicated relationship."

"It's not complicated Nick, you're her backup plan, and I don't think you should go back to her. You deserve so much better." Jess answered, her tone growing soft.

Nick's gaze locked with hers. "Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere." He assured her. Jess beamed, wanting nothing more than to throw her arms around him and kiss him. Wait, what?

"So, why are you so angry?" She asked, quickly changing the subject. Nick winced visibly.

"She's engaged." He answered lamely. "She's engaged to some guy."

"Oh."

Nick grimaced. "What's so great about Stephen anyways?" he asked himself. "Sure, he's got dirty blond hair that falls perfectly on his face, has muscles, and slightly resembles Leonardo DiCaprio, but take that away and what do you have?"

"You?" Jess quipped, instantly regretting it. "Sorry! It just slipped out.. Anyways, this Stephen guy sounds really cute!"

"He isn't!" Nick insisted.

"You're positive that he's not available?" Jess tried.

Nick gave her his signature turtle face. "Get out!" Jess smirked and waved goodbye, skipping out. Pouring over their conversation, Nick found himself smiling. He wondered for the umpteenth time why this quirky and dorky girl seemed to have such an effect in him.

* * *

><p>"Nick is really beat up about this." Jess told them the next morning. CeCe, Winston, and Schmidt were eating breakfast on the couch. Sadie had to leave in the middle of the night, because one of her patients went into labor.<p>

"You know, if he was a girl, I'd know exactly what to do to make him feel better..." He said, smirking at CeCe.

Winston and Jess shared a look, before simultaneously shouting, "Jar." Schmidt obliged, paying his debt.

"I'm just saying. I could do him wonders." He continued.

"Ugh, Schmidt! Ew, ew! Jar, jar, jar!" Jess winced in disgust.

"But-"

"Jar!" They all shouted.

"You know what Nick needs?" CeCe said. "A girl that he can reject." The three roommates turned to the Indian model.

"Go on." Winston urged.

"We get a girl for Nick to kiss and reject. It will boost his self-esteem, and you three can go back to whatever it is you did before this." CeCe explained.

Jess nodded, deep in pensive thought. For some reason, the thought if Nick going out with another girl made her stomach feel queasy.

"But who can we get? Nick already knows all your model friends and we can't just hire a random girl!" Jess reminded them, wanting to stop this plan before it begun.

CeCe smirked at her knowingly. "Makeup artists can make any girl look completely different." She answered, staring straight at her best friend.

The blue eyed girl groaned, already regretting this.

* * *

><p>Jessica Day walked into the bar at promptly eight o' clock. But of course, she wasn't Jessica Day. She was Diane Hardwick.<p>

She wore a wig, so her naturally curly, black hair was now a straight strawberry blonde. Contacts helped her see without her glasses, and they converted her blue eyes into a deep hazel. To add to that, they had tanned her alabaster skin.

Overall, she was a completely different person. Gone were her usually quirky outfits, replaced by a champagne colored, low scooping, V-neck, paired with dark high heels, and a (fake) diamond necklace.

"Alright." CeCe's voice whispered in her ear. She wore a wire, so CeCe and the guys could hear everything she said. They had chosen a spot in the bar where they could see Nick and Jess perfectly, but they couldn't see them. "Just walk over to Nick and strike up some conversation."

Confidently strutting up to the bar, Jess plopped down in front of Nick. "Hello there." She greeted in, what she hoped was, a seductive voice. Nick's eyebrow rose slightly.

"What can I get you?" He asked.

"Pink wine, please." Nick poured her a glass of the liquid. "With a straw." She added. CeCe, back at her table, Face palmed.

"You want a straw for your beverage?" Nick asked, and Jess nodded.

"Yes, siree!" A smirk tugged on the corner of Nick's lips as he passed her a straw.

"So, where are you from?" He asked.

"Ore-Origami! I'm from Tokyo, Origami." She winced internally at her answer, but at least she hadn't said Oregon.

"Tokyo, Origami? Can't say I've heard of it." Nick answered suppressing a snicker.

"It's where origami and, uh, karaoke originated from."She informed him falsely.

"Interesting. I'm Nick Miller." Jess smiled brightly.

"I'm Diane Hardwick." She said.

"Are you know?" Nick asked, his brown eyes inspecting Jess.

"Yup! Diane Hardwick from Tokyo, Origami." She answered. "I was born to Sylvia and, uh, Sherlock Hardwick. They we-" He cut her off by closing the distance between them. Jess immediately melted and kissed him back.

"Wow." Schmidt whispered. "Jess is really putting up an act!"

CeCe smiled. "That's not an act."

Jess's mind was whirling. Nick was kissing her! No, Nick was kissing Diane HardwicK. Dismayed, she pulled away to breathe. She wondered why was so upset, it was the plan, after all. She decided to save those thoughts for later.

Nick smirked at her. "Weren't Genzlinger and Russell lucky men?" He said.

Jess, startled, snapped her eyes to him. "Huh?" She asked. Nick's smirk grew.

"Paul and Russell. You're ex-boyfriends. Don't tell me you forgot about them already, Jess." He explained. "I mean, Russell was the only man we both ever loved."

Jess's eyes widened. "You knew?" She asked, wonder struck.

"Jess, you're the only person I know who drinks pink wine through a straw." She blushed, a smile tugging on her lips.

"Wait." She said, a thought occurring to her. "If you knew who I was, then why did you kiss me?" Now it was Nick's turn to blush. The two roommates gazed at each other, transfixed. Winston and Schmidt watched with curiosity while CeCe rolled her eyes.

"Because he likes you!" She yelled into the microphone. Wincing, Jess's hand flew up to her ear. "Volume, CeCe!" She chided.

Nick reached up and pulled her wig off, revealing a curtain of raven curls. Jess took off the contacts and situated her glasses on the tip of her nose.

"There we go." Nick whispered, brushing a wisp of hair off of her cheek. "You know, that microphone lodged in your ear can't be good fo-"

"Oh, just kiss me Miller!" Jess cut him off as their lips crashed together once more. Neck forgot all about his anger, his regrets. There was just him and Jess.

Schmidt and Winston watched them, mouths agape. Then, Schmidt turned to CeCe. "This wa your plan all along, wasn't it? You brown genius!" He praised.

"Dang." Winston said. "I've never seen two people go without air for so long!"

They pulled apart, panting heavily. "So." Jess chimed in. "I'm guessing you're not too upset about Caroline anymore." Nick kissed her softly.

"Caroline who?"

* * *

><p><strong>And there you have it! Review!<strong>


End file.
